I am deeply grateful for the responses shared with me from my previous article: ***MALE SENSITIVITY & FIERCELY DISCHARGING TRAUMA***.
It allows me to see the reality of my own linguistic limitations, in expressing an energy around a topic which is so profoundly nuanced in its expressions. This is not something I can speak to in its entirety in one social media post.
It also shows me how much some of us have been brainwashed into fluffy fantasy driven concepts which lack any morsel of practicality in the real world.
I felt some of the points I made were misinterpreted, which is partly on me, as a subject which is so nuanced requires much more clarity. Today I will do my best.
My intention in everything I share, is to do my upmost in sharing NOT my opinion, but my direct experience, of working with thousands of humans over the past 10+ years, since first opening my Acupuncture & Qigong clinic - and what life has shared with me, in regards to the human condition. You need not agree with it, that’s fine. Im just the messenger.
There are many truths which im not a huge fan of either, but it is the way it is.
Thank you for taking the time.
There is a profound initiation which occurs in the man who realizes that he can hold himself in his own trauma, on his own - He comes to discover that he can trust himself in his deepest of deaths.
There is also a profound initiation which occurs in the man who realizes that his current experience is too much for him, and the level of trauma moving through his nervous-system far out-ways his current level of capacitation. He requires support - which he actively asks for(but doesn’t lean upon long-term).
Knowing the truth of our current capabilities is where our safety lies.
Why do I share this information? Because most modern men have become perpetual “emotional leaners”.
The reason I express that men MUST go through most of his deepest processing alone, is because out of this weathered self-reliance, he final understands what it means to allow another to hold & be there for him. He learns to receive.
He learns about love.
If a man has not spent a large portion of time figuring it out alone, I can only trust him to a very superficial degree.
This is not a random decision I plucked out of the sky - My decision is an informed one. I didn’t choose it. It simple showed itself to be true. Maybe you have a different experience/truth, which is totally fine.
A man who refuses to go into the dark and meet his own self-reliance in exchange for some romanticized ideology of “but he never has to, that’s icky and unfair. We can all hold his hand”, falls victim to our dysfunctionally feminized narrative - one which keeps men castrated & fundamentally ineffective & irresponsible in life - Which is why he is walking around in trauma to begin with.
People speak of how my advice for men to do it alone is archaic and the cause for so much past suffering.
The reason for so much past suffering and death in men, is the lack of permission around his acceptance and expression of his trauma, feelings and emotions. It had nothing to do with him being in an empty room vs a full room.
What kills us…all of us, is our lack of societal allowance around our authentic expression. What kills us, in our dependency on the external validation of others.
My work with man is about bringing him back into his body, feeling himself as deeply as he can come to, and expressing it fully. He doesn’t require an audience for this. Nor should he require external permission for this. The audience he has grown accustomed to is actually the cause rather than the cure.
In-fact, anything to hold onto, in times where he can indeed learn to pick himself up, is disempowering to his process. Anyone who assumes otherwise is either not here as a man, or if they are a man, they are caught up in the over-coddling narrative.
I stand by this - Completely
A man feeling his reality, on his own, supports him in processing in a more integral container, support by life/God - rather than the projections and trauma patterns of another possibly clouding his experience in a time where he really requires clarity.
I stand by this - Completely.
IN RELATIONSHIP WITH HER - FURTHER CLARIFICATION
In terms of intimate relating and partnership; A man moving through the messy and confrontational experiences of relationship will benefit greatly in learning to stay there in the storm, and to not run away.
Within saying that, if you allow your trauma to be spit-up on her too frequently and persistently without balance, placing her in a more full-time place of holding you - she will eventually become repulsed. This is nothing any of us can change. This is polarity, and each individual will have different capacities and boundary levels for this posturing.
If you put her in the place of holding your shit all the time, she will become repulsed, and she will no longer be sexually interested or attracted to you. This is not right or wrong. This is not even her decision.
This is nature.
This is the natural law of polarity.
To disagree with polarity is to disagree with fire and water. You can, but it doesn’t mean it won’t find you and burn your ass up.
Life does not care about how we would like things to be. It is the way it is, and we must get in sync.
It makes no difference the oceans of love she has access to, or how deeply her love for you goes. If you constantly prop yourself emotionally onto of her, she will continue to love you, she just won’t feel the desire to be fucked by you.
I stand by this - Completely
You can allow polarity to empower you, or to disempower you. Understanding it is key to empowerment, because it aint going anywhere.
MANS DESIRE TO LEAVE RELATIONSHIP
As men, when shit comes up, it is common we will want to leave.
Please do not allow this to convince you that “doing it alone” is an option. The desire to leave is a childhood wound response to painful emotions.
When this initial panic arises in relationship dynamics, this is not something to be done alone. Relationship is a union which generates deep seeing, and grants us the ability to meet parts of ourselves which are in need of more love and understanding.
To run is a cop-out.
This is a male pattern of avoidance - when too many feels arise, we want to bail.
Stay, feel, let it bring you to your knees. Allow love and devotion penetrate & teach you on every level - for this is where you get your crown.
Die to it.
NEVER make a decision in turmoil, you will most likely regret it.
Wait for the storm to settle.
Brave it out.
Even when you are with another, your experience is still one of aloneness. It is yours, and she is probably having hers, if its a situation which involves both of your dynamic.
I invite you to figure out how to stay in the intensity until you have learned what the intensity is attempting to teach you.
You can share these moments in deep intimacy of self, together, with your woman, as you grow closer through the challenges, and confusions.
Once the dust has settled, you should then allow yourself to spend sufficient time away, in moments of solitude, to integrate and ground the experience and teachings so they can become embodied and known.
I stand by this - Completely
“There, there, it will all be ok.”
Unfortunately, if you dont get his shit together, it won’t be ok.
Nothing will be ok.
We must stop perpetuating this soft-ass narrative to our fellow brothers. It is not of service, it does not build strong capable men of integrity. It builds weak hearted men who become manipulative and abusive to feel some crumbs of power - because society has taken his truest sovereignty from him.
Just because we dont like the reality of how energy functions and initiates, doesn’t change the natural order of how energy functions and initiates.
Thank you to all who have taken the time to read. I truly hope it has offered further clarity to my previous post entitled: ***MALE SENSITIVITY & FIERCELY DISCHARGING TRAUMA***
ON A MORE PERSONAL NOTE(for those you are interested)
Get my BRAND NEW COURSE FOR $5999…..nah, just kidding haha.
Im here in support of a clear, courageous, & deeply felt male.
The tools we are being given right now are not bringing our men to these qualities. Regardless of all the spiritual communities and workshops, events, and sparkles. Why? Because the solutions, mostly, are coming up out of the same collective mind which has imprisoned us.
The honest work runs much deeper, and In every case is quite confrontational in its simplicity. But, it is important that it can be spoken about and understood from as many angles as possible.
I dont claim to know it all(even though it may seem otherwise), and I will NEVER speak on anything which I have not had intensive & extensive experience with personally.
I know a huge amount about very little. But what I do know, I really really know, and I am so passionate and excited about assisting as many people as I possibly can. There is so much suffering, when there doesn’t always need to be.
If what I share does not feel right for you, I absolutely honor that, and I would never want anybody to take on anything that was not in alignment for them.
Thank you to all who have partaken in the previous discussion which my team passed on to me(im not on here personally) - the love, the hate, all of it. Its a dialogue, and that’s what’s important.
In love & Service,
Bringing realness, clarity and deep truth to our mishandled human condition. Here to assist you in a REAL way, without the fluff. Pointing you to your magnificence. Relentlessly committed to being here, embodied.