I see many incongruences around male sensitivity which is shared within the self-development/spiritual community. So im just going to dive right in…
Firstly, what we need to understand as men, is that women really dont give a fuck about how many mountains you have climbed, nor how many accolades you have won - if she cannot feel you…feeling her - its all worthless.
She also, for the most part, totally doesnt give a fuck about your problems.
Dont get me wrong, she will smile and nod and be sweet and listen to you, & even empathize & hold you, but in reality - she wishes you would stop spiraling in and out of childhood behavioral patterns, & stand-up-tall; to sort your shit out, so she can feel more open towards having you fuck her heart open.
She cannot trust your emotional turmoil, and neither can you.
She longs for you to land upon emotional self-reliance, (heck, I long for you to land upon emotional self-reliance) and to refrain from expecting her to babysit and mother your perpetual fears and insecurities. So that finally she can begin to love you more wildly, knowing that you got this, and her.
Women request for a man to express his feelings and to be more sensitive, but I feel the narrative has not been clear enough, and has straight-up confused everyone.
There are laws to this universe. Laws which must be upheld. If not, the natural order of things moves into chaos.
To clarify, a womans request for sensitivity is not about wanting him to be crying, emotionally processing, and all up in his feels everyday.
A womans request for sensitivity, is actually a request for trustable intelligence - where she can feel him connected deeper to himself & his stability - so that she has something to unfurl to.
She desires his sensitivity, not to have him sobbing on her shoulder, but so she can let go and relax deeply into the tactile intelligence of his sensually informed thrust, without the fear of being stabbed or hurt by an overly-excited & unconsciously wielded cock.
Uninformed movement can do great harm.
Riding a woman is like riding a wave. It is subject to change its course at any moment. The man must be precisely following each and every unfurling ripple of her tide, if he wishes to take her somewhere of greater depth and bliss.
Discharging the trauma which arises when a man comes back home to his body is a separate part of this “sensitivity” process; one which she has much less desire for, unless she is his therapist, or wanting to be his mother.
To repeat; a woman will listen to your pain, be sweet with your insecurities, encourage your expression - but she secretly wishes you would sort your shit out, so that you are no longer un-grounded and erratic. So that she can feel wet for you again.
Which brings me to my next point, men - handle your traumatic releases and emotional processes mainly alone, or supported by a coach/therapist for as long as you truly require it.
There is tremendous growth and strength to be tapped into in the bosom of your own solitude - In the demise of your conditionings - In the realization that nothing in this life can truly protect you other than life itself.
From this sobering standpoint, without his mommy coming to tell him “everything will be alright”, he grows up, and gets the gift of bowing upon the only alter that’s real, and building a relationship with his own strength and tenacity.
A mans spiritual initiation is to commune with his God-Self, and his path to emotional stability is through seeing the factual nature of his own mortality.
A man who doesn’t feel into death regularly, will be foolish, ignorant and wasteful. He will get caught up in chaos. He will assume he is here forever, and his lackluster way of showing up in life will reflect this.
So with all of the above being shared - the lesson here is to be responsible for your own trauma which requires expression and healing, and to move through as much of it alone as you can, combined with support from a coach/guide/or therapist when necessary.
Trauma will absolutely arise in relationship. This you have no control over. Your womans love can even be a powerful catalyst in generating deeper healing in certain areas of your life - but it should NEVER become a consistent pattern of her having to reassuringly stroke your head.
I promise you, if you vomit all of your processing on her, requiring her to hold, mother, & coach you; it does not matter how much she loves you - she will no longer want to be fucked by you. Period.
In conclusion; you can absolutely share some parts of your unraveling with the woman in your life, just don't allow it to be a frequent thing. She is your lover, not your therapist.
Practically; If you are going through something, try to create a space for yourself to go and feel through/express/discharge it. Then once you are finished and free, you can return to your beautiful woman and share that extra vastness with her in intimacy.
In these moments she will be able to nourish and support the weathered warrior-man(rather than mothering the needy child) in you with her juiciness, as if you have just returned from battle.
She can drip all over your wounds and douse your sovereignty in her nectar. The sovereignty which you have fought for, by facing your insecurities head on - For yourself, for her, for life.
You get to feel your own reliability coursing through your flesh, as you KNOW you have dealt with the Dragon - and didn't bring him into your home to hurt and lean upon others.
A good, powerful, accountable, SENSITIVE, loving man.
Thank you for taking the time to digest this sharing. I hope it can bring more understanding, authenticity, fierceness and love to your life.
Bringing realness, clarity and deep truth to our mishandled human condition. Here to assist you in a REAL way, without the fluff. Pointing you to your magnificence. Relentlessly committed to being here, embodied.