Recently I had a man ask me during a mentoring call: “Chris, how can I get her to sleep with me? How can I turn her on? Nothing I do is working..."
My response to him was - Stop all of the ways that you are attempting to sleep with her!
Drop all of the ways in which you are trying to turn her on.
Let go of all of the methods and means in which you are attempting to pull her into s€x.
Drop the seduction.
Drop the game.
Drop the techniques.
Rather than trying to actively change the situation of “she won’t give me s€x”, instead place your awareness on learning to BE with the very person whom you are attempting to connect deeper with to begin with. With the intention being "how can I love this woman even deeper?".
A healthy woman never wants to be fucked or “done” by a mans necessity for s€x. There is nothing arousing about starvation, so check your energy before approaching her.
Realize that the foundational reason for starvation has nothing to do with her, but everything to do with you, and what you have not yet figured out how to gift to yourself.
You see, the more he attempts, tries, and pushes for s€x, the louder it becomes to her that he has absolutely no idea how to INSPIRE s€x.
A conscious man who truly understands himself, has come to the realization that he is never here to really DO anything. But rather to inspire movement around him - through his depth of being, feeling and seeing.
The more stuck he is in the “hungry, horny, feed me” paradigm, the less of an inspiration he will be for her(or life) to open to, as it becomes all about taking - all about what he can get from her; Which means the more he will have to sweat, push, and perform in order to get his needs met.
You want to know how to inspire intimacy? Easy…replace the “desperately craving” her, with LOVING her, and expect no s€xual favor in return for doing so.
This will change the entire nature of how he engages with the feminine externally, and internally.
It will force the man to face all of his own childish and manipulative ways, in order to dig down deeper for love.
To love the woman, you will need to know the woman.
To know her, you will have to tune into her...and yourself.
Through connecting more with yourself, you will come to deeper understanding of what your horniness actually is, and what it is attempting to show you. Horniness is NOT a surplus of s€xual energy, but rather the opposite; It is a deficiency.
A fully fed human isnt hungry.
A man overflowing with s€xual potency is not horny. He is present, alert, aware - and his penis will respond to that which is most in alignment for him. His penis will only respond to the highest standards of feminine resonance(which doesnt include his macbook).
This man does not need s€x to be satisfied. He is already satisfied. S€x and intimacy becomes the purposefully selective cherry on top.
Men(and women) talk about s€xual craving a lot, and get it deeply confused for love.
One of the biggest lessons is the fact that craving is never about the other person. It’s yours. It has nothing to do with her. She’s not even involved. So why would she want to hand herself over to you? To be used?
Some do, unfortunately.
BACK ON TRACK:
This loving I speak of cannot be faked, as it calls for every morsel for your ferocious presence just to be transmitted.
Love her as deeply as you can come to, in each moment with her, without requesting her body in return. Love her, with lovingness being the goal. Not her body.
It’s beautiful that you desire her. It’s natural you want to have s€x with her. You don’t need to lose that. Just change your means of deliverance.
The lessons will come less from doing, and more from understanding what it means to truly BE.
Through this BEING - Figure out how to hold her in lovingness, and watch her bloom. Notice how she so accurately begins to reflect back your integral presence, through the never-ending unfurling of her heart and body.
Through this BEING - Learn devotion. Understand commitment. Bring its physical reality to the outer edges of your flesh and touch her with it. Engorge your cock-center with this essence, and fuck her, fill her, split her - with this love. With this devotion. With this primal. With this divine.
Pierce her. Place it upon her. Hold her. Watch.
Request nothing from her...other than her willingness to feel and stay present with you, as you BE with her.
Stop trying to be cool.
Stop avoiding being “all in.”
Stop fearing love.(Because fearing love is fearing what the feminine stands for.)
Stop fearing giving your “power” away. (Because that fear in itself, has given your power away.)
True power doesn’t run out.
There is no need to hide away all of your chips for fear of loosing it all one day.
True power is self-generating, and it shares itself relentlessly.
These are the most foundational trauma patterns that we must graduate out of via our consciousness work as men. These must be seen and felt-through in order to become a matured and powerful man.
If you can really love her...you will never have to ask how to “get her” to sleep with you again. Instead you will have a new question - which will result in your new phase of internal work:
“Chris, I’m so tired, all she wants to do is have s€x. Help me.”
Be careful what you wish for brother.
Bringing realness, clarity and deep truth to our mishandled human condition. Here to assist you in a REAL way, without the fluff. Pointing you to your magnificence. Relentlessly committed to being here, embodied.