A Love Note To Suffering

​The reason people tend to be so displeased and unsatisfied in life, is because their scope of what “good” is

​, is so narrow and acutely specific, which leaves little room for expansion - Highly uninclusive to any other experience which sits outside the current parameters of what “good” has been defined as.

As an example, we identify many things as pain, but if you were to dance differently with it, it wouldn’t be pain - it would be more pleasure and nourishment than you have ever experienced.

Because most people have such a low capacity for sustained intensity and energy of a higher order, once that “good” feeling passes your current comfort level of what you deem appropriate, you flip into resistance, and it then becomes what you call pain. It becomes a "bad" experience.

But these are just labels. Nothing has actually changed, other than the amount of life-force energy moving through your being, and possibly the location of it.

Everything is simply energy in different measurements and textures, combined with either our receptivity / acceptance of it…or with our resistance / avoidance to it.

A story that may assist in shedding a deeper light on what I am attempting to communicate, is the following:

A few days ago here in Mexico, I randomly came down with a high unrelenting 104 fever, combined with head shattering headaches, nausea, and deep physical sensation (feeling like my bones were about to break into a million little pieces). It had me on my back, trembling, unable to stand up, so I took advantage of this blessed fever, which I see as free universal drugs. I didn’t even have to find a dealer…life brought the substance directly to me.

To celebrate my inability to be an upright human of the world, I got naked, slapped a wooly hat on my head and socks on my feet, blacked out my bedroom, and turned on Pink Floyds album on full blast. I tripped-balls and hallucinated deep into the night, ebbing and flowing between a concoction of unfathomable overwhelm and romantic agony - Relishing in the heightened cellular sensitivity, and the total surrender to this abyss which continued to implode me deeper and deeper -  Writhing in otherworldly pleasures, which on the surface could have been seen as a very nasty state of being. 

It was beautiful, challenging, illuminating, humbling, loving, intense, extraterrestrial, orgasmic and I was fully ready to absolutely die to it. Once you are willing to die to something, fear and suffering is extinguished, and you are free to truly live it. You can let what you once feared in, all of the way - so it can gift to you what it has brought for you. 

“Take me” I would scream-laugh, out-loud, with my arms up in the air, as I threw-up from the depth of my guts. Supported by the effervescently cold toilet bowl, kissing me just enough to keep me cool in that one spot. Playing with myself and life. Not knowing if or when I will emerge out the other side of the ceremony, but delightfully fine with either option, as I have never been in control anyway. 

Show me your pain and ill show you your pleasure. Show me your demise and ill show you your saviour!

If I was to have chosen the collective way of relating to the above experience, it could have not only been one of the worst nights of my life, but it could have also worsened my condition extensively, as I continued to disallow life in. To fear it. To distrust it. 

Thankfully, due to the large amounts of suffering I have wrestled with in the past, I eventually managed to receive the gift - Surrender, and then surrender more, and more, and more, until there is nothing left of you. Just what is. And what is, is god.

I woke up the next morning, feeling cosmically washed, like I had just been through a plant ritual ceremony, ready to get back to doing “upright human” stuff. So grateful to how big the medicine was.

In my experience of working with myself and others, I have learned first-hand that our suffering usually stems from two main factors: 

1: Our resistance to what is, powered by our fear around truly trusting the godliness in life and ourselves.
2: Our unwillingness to fully feel everything, especially when it becomes too big for our current egoic identity.

God - Love - Divinity, is present in absolutely everything, regardless of the definitive label your mind places on it. Whenever we can get around to actually trusting it, life becomes a whole lot more supportive...even in the most overwhelming situations.

Much love,
Chris