These days I hear and see so many people using the term “toxic masculinity”.
What the fuck is toxic masculinity?…And how dare you!
Every time I hear this tired-ass regurgitated label fall out of someones mouth, I know to immediately disregard whatever follows it, as the starting point is already of utter delusion. It lacks all understanding & compassion of what has went on before it. Empty and unaware. Unaware to the further damage it is causing to the psyche of our already crippled men - The big bad monsters - The privileged ones.
Just to clarify, I’ve never met a toxic man in my life, and I’ve worked with thousands of them.
What I have met is deeply misguided and disturbed men, who are hurting.
Men and young boys who have been taught that their love, their desires, their truth, and what makes them feel alive…is bad, dangerous, and wrong. So they cannot ask for it. He must learn other shitty manipulative ways of having his needs met, in an attempt to be even a little bit nourished.
I have met men who are confused, angry at the world, manipulative, abusive, depressed, fearful, disempowered and suicidal. Men deep in the depths of isolation and loneliness - Pretending he is all good.
I have met men who have been so disempowered and silenced (yet its almost invisible), that he has been forced to be manipulative, because it is the only way he can even get a little taste of love and closeness in his life. He was taught to steal it, because the notion of someone sharing it with him freely, is absolutely perpostorous.
I have met men who were controlled and emasculated as little-boys by their mothers. Men who were bullied and beaten by their fathers. Men who have spent most of their lives being undermined and verbally abused by the opposite sex - in his attempt to gift his unrefined affection.
Men who have been sexually abused repeatedly as children, but never talk, because he has been raised by a society who has led him to believe that he’s just not as important, because he is the privileged one apparently, and its better for him to just keep his head down and carry on…like a man - Eventually taking it out on himself or another.
Men who move around apologetic, for merely existing. Every outward motion he does, is accompanied by a posture of apology. If you cannot see this every day, then you are sleeping, deeply.
Get the fuck out of here with your “toxic masculinity”. How dare you!
Someone truly in the know would never dare use such a disgusting term to label men who have clearly suffered tremendously. Vile outgoings are only birthed-up out of vile incomings.
His confused and aggressive attempts to engage with the opposite sex is down to the fact he has never been given any guidance in how to respect and channel his natural desires in a healthy way. This is because a males sexuality is reduced down to something so meaningless, that there need be no discourse on it. Its a frivolous cock-fart - His penis is dirty - & thats all he needs to know.
This is what makes him dangerous! He develops, knowing nothing of himself, disregarding his deepest nature.
Humanity needs to eat a big bowl of wake-the-fuck-up if we are to survive on this planet as human beings.
The core issue to all of this, is invisibility, and the lack of care we place on our young boys and men... even the “monsters”.
We attack and punish what we fear. We attack and punish what we don’t understand - When we should be rehabilitating, and listening.
THE SILENT MAN:
Through a young boys development, he acknowledges the way his emotionality and strife is engaged with by others as he grows, and is very aware of how he is treated differently by society and loved-ones from the very beginning. He learns to self-correct himself eventually and tucks his hands into his pockets. He gets sick. Really sick. Quietly…But he tells nobody, for fear of ridicule.
For the majority of cases, men in suffering are far more invisible than women in suffering. Just look at the suicide statistics.
The reason for this post, is illumination to a gigantically shat-on topic, which affects an entire side of the collective. The side which is responsible for the protection, clarity, infrastructure, and direction of an entire planet. We NEED to take better care of our men, so our women and children can exist on a safer planet. So love and compassion can be the foundation underneath all we do. That is the bare-bones of it.
For people who use this “toxic” masculinity term, male or female, you cannot claim to be here in support of mens health while you use language that actively disempowers, undermines, and demeans it. You just become a part of the problem, which is the only toxic part of all of this.
The words we use are incredibly important in the programming of our collective consciousness.
I feel a profound responsibility in what I do to speak up, and for whatever reason, I have been granted the gift of being allowed to be there and assist men in some of their darkest moments over the years. Some, so dark, that its too late, and he never makes it through. It all gets too much for him.
I have known quite a few humans who have ended up taking their own life - They were all men. It was always devastating. It all could have been prevented.
This is not to say women do not move through immense suffering and challenges, because she does. But, its of a totally different texture.
How can we still be so blind to something so immeasurably obvious?
How can you help?
You save a man, by supporting his nature, and encouraging him to live in alignment with it - EVEN IF YOU DONT AGREE WITH IT! EVEN IF IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE! You are not here to agree with anybody other than yourself. If you are allowed, then allow others the same birth right.
How can you help?
By NOT requesting he learn how to adapt and fit in to a society which is hell bent on disabling him. A society too uncomfortable to deal with him. To receive him. A system that dysfunctionally feminizes him, while requesting he be a “real man”.
This society is not built to house a man. Period! - And for any man who has really done his developmental work, he will know the depth to which I am speaking at. It can be sobering and isolating in itself, but an important stage of his journey nonetheless.
How else can you help?
By supporting him to feel, and express his deepest emotions, feelings, and trauma...EVEN IF YOU DONT LIKE IT! Supporting his tears, while calling on his strength - To feel, to face, to heal, and to move forward...cleaner than when he went in.
(SIDENOTE: I see a new-age trend lately of many "conscious" women asking for men to speak their truth...until men start speaking their truth. "Oh no, gross, too much, not like that. Do it a different way".
This is not all women of course. I know a few powerful females really being there for men in a highly mature and heart-felt "warrior woman" way. But, its few and far in-between. These are women who have truly been doing their own maturation work, and hang-out behind the scenes. The utmost gratitude to you, courageous beauty. I see you. I tip my hat.)
A lion can only be poked so much before his power ends up exploding all over himself and the community, in very negative and destructive ways.
This is not toxic, this is a fucking tragedy!
We must support the end of this cycle - by supporting our own fierce compassion, in the face of great sickness. Can we rise above with love? Or do we continue to fall in fear - in hate.
Our fear of being uncomfortable is what forces us to shut it all down, in everyone. We must be more courageous than this, from right now. Heck, from yesterday.
In love, compassion, & reverence,
Bringing realness, clarity and deep truth to our mishandled human condition. Here to assist you in a REAL way, without the fluff. Pointing you to your magnificence. Relentlessly committed to being here, embodied.