I can’t believe I am actually writing this, here, today. A tear falls.
I feel like this has been brewing within for quite a while now, and Its an unfortunate moment for me, giving up such a powerful part of what I do, out of a necessity to protect myself. But that is what I have been forced to do. Today has been the final straw, and it is kinda sad.
I no longer feel safe in the in-person energywork sessions that I offer to women. I am way too exposed, and I would have to be absolutely insane to continue.
What has finalised this? Today, once again, I was abused physically and verbally during a session with a female client, and my spirit has requested no more. No more!
It happens every now and again, by default, but this is the end.
She did what I am unfortunately used to experiencing over the years…she attempted to grab my body 3 times during her session.
When I placed her hand away, she slapped my chest VERY forcefully with the underside of her fist, cursing me, to the extent that if it was a male, I would of knocked his ass out.
She screamed at me when I placed her roaming hands back down on the table. I told her this is not that type of work. I told her this is a healing session which is about her, and her experience, and I am not a part of that. And to settle back into herself.
She responded with “fuck off, whats wrong with me?”.
“Nothing is wrong with you, but this is an energy session, not a date. You have signed up for an energy session”.
She told me to “fuck off” again.
I immediately got up, brought her her belongings, handed her back her money and requested she leave immediately as the session cannot continue.
She refused, and started to touch herself.
Again, I asked her to leave. She wouldn’t. So I did - For 3 hours.
When I returned, thankfully, she was gone.
If that was a man I would of dragged his ass out of my house physically, but unfortunately when its the other way around, its simply not a supported option.
I felt absolutely disgusting after leaving. So angry at myself, that I would allow myself to be in such a demeaning position, when my intentions are of highest order and for her highest good.
The above situation happens even after the dynamic and boundaries of the session have been very clearly stated and agreed upon before session. Which is that this is basically a therapy session, and not a date.
I love women, I adore the feminine, for everything you all, and it has/and continues to teach me. For this reason I would never want to continuously put myself in demeaning positions which would bring me to place of resenting her.
This is the larger reality of just some of the overwhelming experiences I must endure in the line of work that I do, in an attempt to offer healing, that I am absolutely done with at this point.
I am done.
S€xual energy can bring up so much healing and beauty in others, which is why the work can be so powerful and illuminating. But with that also comes the madness. Something which leaves me totally exposed to any outcome, lacking all intelligence.
Over the years, I have exercised precise and pristine acuteness in order to have my integrity in what I do be the most lucid part of my being. For the safety of others, and for the safety of myself.
The in-person energy work I do with others, especially women, is extremely intimate in its nature. It is outside the parameters of what most would refer to as normal safe work - Because it is not safe, for anybody involved. Its there to expose everything.
It involves a space of going deeply into the trauma which others are holding inside, plugging them into an immensity of s€xual life-force energy, to feel, face, and transmute it.
This can be a very intense and triggering experience for many. If someone dislikes what has just rose up out of them in a session, who do they blame? In many cases…me.
They blame me.
They attack me.
They abuse me.
They criticise me, for taking them to the exact place they previously requested, when they viewed it through their own rose-tinted lenses.
“Take me to feeling, but no, not that feeling, give me a different one. One I’m more comfortable with. If you don’t bring me to a feeling I prefer, it is all your fault.”
People don’t always enjoy the view when they get to see themselves. Many don’t want to accept the responsibility for what has just bubbled up out of them. Immaturity wins, and blame is handed out effortlessly.
As a collective it seems we are still too childish to take full accountability of self, and I have to see the magnitude of that.
Many people are not at place where they can handle the truth, in any of its forms. They are willing to fight to hold onto their madness, even when they ask to be free.
They project and unload all of their dysfunctional patterns and traumas, onto me.
Its been this way for many years. But the busier I become, the more people I assist, the more dysfunction that arrives on my doorstep for “healing” - Putting me on this weird-ass pedestal, and condemning me after, if their experience of themselves was not the way their fantasy-land predicted.
As it stands, I have not yet arrived to a mechanism of being able to separate those who can handle the work, from those who cannot. Until that happens, the only in-person work I will do with women, will be with women I know and trust wholeheartedly (or possibly on an interview basis).
Everyone who has signed up and paid for an upcoming in-person session, will be fully refunded this coming week, and given the option to transition it to an online session instead, which is just as potent in many ways.
Let me clarify all I have written at this stage, and communicate that this occurrence of abuse I share is not all the time, and the majority of women I work with are absolutely wonderful, and clearly understand the session dynamic and respect it.
The experience I share here today is something that occurs every now and again, but it has been “every now and again” one time too much for me, and im no longer willing to dance with it.
I have come to the conclusion that intimately assisting mentally unbalanced, unstable, and neurotic women, as a man, in such an intense space, is like using dynamite as a lollipop.
I have always turned large amounts of people away, when my intuition sounds the alarm. But every now and again, some manage to slip through the cracks. This is unfortunate to all.
People don’t get to see inside my world. So I thought to share a little of it here today. Its not something I ever hear being talked about. Only the other side of the table.
So, with all that being said, I have decided to no longer accept in-person female energy work clients publicly for the foreseeable future.
I will continue doing the very potent and supportive distant energywork sessions online with women.
It is so unfortunate that I have been brought to a place of having to make this type of a decision, with a work that can be so healing. With a work that is so needed.
Learning to ride the lines of initiating deep opening in another, while also attempting to stay fully protected, has been the most challenging work of my life, as they are basically absolute contrasts. There is no protection, ever.
The work I offer is the opposite of safe. Its wide-open. And I would never want to compromise it by disempowering its very nature, just so that it can be easier to digest by unprepared society.
It seems the planet is still not at point where it is ready for that work.
Thank you to all who have ever worked with me, and received graciously. Its been intense.
Bringing realness, clarity and deep truth to our mishandled human condition. Here to assist you in a REAL way, without the fluff. Pointing you to your magnificence. Relentlessly committed to being here, embodied.